Hates pretention in reality, but pretended to hide real love

It happened the day before I left. I went to bed late at night after 12.00, but still I could not sleep. I was recalling my memories of this summer vacation, memories started to dominate me. I had no way than surrendering to those thoughts. Tears automatically rolled down from my eyes, I could not resist… I was travelling through my memories to the places where I was with my bestfriends, friends, familiar faces….etc. Before I finish the journey, another thought triggered that I’m going to miss them all so badly. Again the ever striking question arose “Do I have to leave these people and the place whom I love and belong to in the name of education?” As usual there wasn’t any exact answer through which I could convince myself. Lost myself within memories and thoughts, I fell asleep (I don’t know the exact time). I guess it was around four o’clock somebody embraced me very warmly and tightly ,and shedding tears. I could feel the warmth of those tears in my eyelids. I knew who the person was ,but still closed my eyes even tightly than previously and pretended to be in a deep sleep. I could hear her weeping, “You’ll be gone by tomorrow.” I said within myself ‘yes, I know I’ll be gone, I’m born to go like every human. I’m not the one directing my life to go on a certain path. It is the god himself directing me to go hither and thither. Yes I know I’m going to miss my beloved ones and going to live in a strange world where I don’t belong to anyone except myself .But I hoped this departure will create an unbreakable bond and give me endless moments of enjoyment with my family when it comes to its end. I have one specific and inevitable purpose for my journey. I did not open my eyes, thinking if I open my eyes I will lose the courage to go. It’s because I know if my eyes met my mother’s crying eyes, I could not hide the love that I have for her and stop myself departing from her………………… I guess during that time my mother might be thinking that I was really in a deep sleep, forgot about everything that happened to me during the vacation or I do not care about the love that everyone in my family has for me. But I knew how much all they care for me and how I love and yearn to be with them.
My life seems a paradox to me that though I have a big, loving family, I have to be alone that is my fate.

Advertisement